Courage Doesn't Always Roar: A Teacher's Quest to Be Better Each Day

When I was a sophomore in high school, I was one of the nominees to attend the Hugh O'Brien Youth Leadership Retreat (HOBY).  Several of us were nominated and we were interviewed by our principal and teachers.  I remember nervously waiting outside the conference room for my interview, pretty shocked that I was a candidate.  7 students were nominated and I remember the others bantering about who they thought would ultimately be selected.  No one thought it would be me.  I think I was the most surprised when it was announced that I was selected to attend the HOBY Leadership Retreat at Marymount College.   At 15, I was not someone who left home often, never did the sleep away camp thing and didn't really go to sleepovers either.  This was a weekend away at a college with complete strangers.  I was petrified but also exhilarated that I had been selected and that my high school teachers saw so much leadership potential in me.  Even then, I tri...

That's me on the left.  In the quite tight and short shorts (seriously, Mom, what WERE you thinking?), the only one not looking at the camera.  Instead, I'm beaming at my big sister,in her crisp maroon and gray plaid uniform, second from the right.  She was going off to school with all the "big kids" from the neighborhood, and man, did I want to go, too.   When you are the younger sister, you are always waiting for your turn, watching your older sister get to do it all before you.  Always a step behind.  When you are the younger sister and your older sister is naturally gifted, can put together a puzzle of the United States in under a minute at age 6, can name all the capitals of all the states, is good at drawing and fits into all the cute clothes you are too big to squish into.....it can be rather hard.  When she wins trophies and contests and full scholarships, you can see your work is cut out for you.  When she qualifies for the g...

Tomorrow is "Poem In Your Pocket" Day at our school! This is the poem I am putting in my pocket.  It is an excerpt from Random Thoughts: The Humanity of Teaching by Louis Schmier.  My favorite lines: "If you want to be a teacher, you have to be inspired and inspire." "If you want to be a teacher, you have to fall in love each day." If You Want to Be a Teacher By Louis Schmier If you want to be a teacher, you first have to learn how to play hopscotch And hide-and-seek, Learn how to watch a snail crawl, blow bubbles, Read Yertle the Turtle . If you want to be a teacher, listen to a distant train, Wiggle your toes in the mud and let it ooze through them, Stomp in rain puddles, And be humbled by the majesty of a mountain. If you want to be a teacher, you have to be inspired and inspire. If you want to be a teacher, you have to bring joy into everything, Watch in awe a sunset or sunrise, Ride on a swing, And respect even a...

Driving home from school, I asked my 4 year old son Alex about the caterpillars in his classroom.   "Are they butterflies yet? Did they go into their cocoon?" I ask. "Nope, still caterpillars.  It's going to take days and days," Alex says as he looks out his window.  And it got me thinking about caterpillars and butterflies, bare tree branches one day that are blooming buds the next, mothers 9 months pregnant one moment and holding a real live crying baby minutes later.   Miracles. Transformations.   Time.  Hope.  Faith. I've always loved the song "The Rose" and the image at the end, where the seed is under the snow, invisible to all. In the midst of a frigid and bleak winter, it is near impossible to envision that a rose is there, just waiting to bloom.  Spring brings renewal and transformation- plain and dare I say creepy looking caterpillars become spectacular butterflies. Amazing! Buried seeds blossom into exquisite blooming flower...

It's Spring Break.  You would think I would feel relaxed, easy-breezy, soaking in the days without the usual hustle and bustle routine.  I'm NOT.  I am more stressed than if I was at work.  It's like working creates blinders where I can only see what is in front of me: the essential things that need to get done that day in preparation for the next. I'm too busy to notice the desk drawers cluttered with mystery papers, the closet in the office about to burst with a mish-mosh of school supplies, the toy rooms with crayons, markers, stickers, games, books, and little toy figures tossed all over the place.  The car with the crumbs in it.  The bathroom closet in disarray. The drawers filled with winter clothes that need to be put away in favor of lighter spring outfits, and the shopping that needs to get done since I was a size smaller last spring.  But now that off from work, all I notice is all I have to do and the frustration of not being able to get to ...

"I think they're both kind of wrong," one of my brightest students says as we discuss the the book Sit Down: How Four Friends Stood Up By Sitting Down by Andrea Davis Pinkney and Brian Pinkney.  She goes on to explain that the people are wrong for shouting things and throwing things at the kids who are simply sitting at the lunch counter, waiting to be served, but the kids are wrong, she feels, because they are breaking a law.  Hmmm. I remember the stages of moral development and my third graders are squarely in that stage where you follow the rules because authority says to do that.  But I need to help them see, now more than ever, that unfair, mean, restrictive rules should be challenged. Like Rosa Parks did.  Like Ruby Bridges did. Like Susan B. Anthony and the suffragettes did.  Like the Opt-Out movement to stop the over-reliance on high-stakes testing, the ranking and punishment of teachers and schools based on faulty science, the efforts to privatize an...

I began the Slice of Life Challenge a month ago with a poem, "Where I'm From."  This has been a transformative month in so many ways and I wanted to end with things I've come to believe.  I've been reading Jacqueline Woodson's Brown Girl Dreaming and I know she has a part near the end where says what she believes.  I remembered the song I sang in elementary school chorus, "I Believe" and listened to it for inspiration before composing my poem.  You can hear the song in the link below.   Thank you so much for this chance to write, share, read, and connect with a community that I've come to love.  I've appreciated the comments and kindness so very much and look forward to slicing with you on Tuesdays.  Without further ado, I Believe...  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pj8OOHRTiWc I believe in books. I believe in picture books and chapter books Books of facts and books of quotes. I believe in the power of a book to make us ...

News this morning in New York  Budget deals emerge "Governor Cuomo wreaking vengeance" Diane Ravitch writes.  Elected officials making decisions not qualified to make. Tests to decide the effective teacher and the ineffective one. Heart sinks. What else can I do? I'm a teacher. I was born to teach. It's all I've hoped to be. If I am found ineffective due to independent evaluators who don't know me don't know my heart my experience my work ethic my continual search to be better where will I go? If test scores are the focus and my job is on the line, is it a job I really want  to do anymore? When my family depends on me, will I need to play the game? To get my paycheck? To pay our mortgage? How will I face the young faces in front of me who are more  than any test  will ever say? Sadness today  in New York Our letters our phone calls our pleas  in the end didn't matter. Money wins again. Tomorr...

A funny thing has happened during this month of slicing.  The more I've written, the more memories have floated up, connecting to current issues in my life. Where before ideas would cross my mind and leave as quickly as they came, now they are sticking and percolating in my  mind, and taking new shape and meaning.  I think this is yet another gift that the Slice of Life Challenge has given me.   On a walk to the playground with my children today, I remembered a spring day 25 years ago when I took freedom a step too far and rode my bike further than I was allowed to go.  Venturing to a nearby park with two friends, we rode our bikes up and down the hills, exhilarated.  Until my final ride down the hill when I lost control of my bike and crashed, in the days before anyone wore helmets, laying flat on the ground, stunned.  People nearby saw me laying there, un-moving, and called 911. Several fire trucks and ambulances descended on the park for...me. ...

Tonight's challenge: Synthesize the experiences/learning from my Friday night Barry Manilow concert (yes, I am a proud "Fan-i-low") and my Saturday workshop at CELI (Connected Educators of Long Island).  Here goes:  There is something so joyful about being in a large arena and singing along to a song where everyone knows the words.  The song was created by one person and had specific meaning when created, but then it is released into the world. The song becomes known and each person who sings it calls up different mental images and a slightly new interpretation of the story told in the song.  The song is unique for all of us but shared by all of us as we sing together, strangers who know the same words.  It's nice to sing the song by yourself but there is an energy that comes from singing it together.   Teaching traditionally has been a pretty solitary endeavor.  It is you, alone, in the classroom with the students.  Yet, for some time now,...