I'd like to write about something else, but I am hungry. Today was the first day of what I am not supposed to call a "diet" but, instead, a lifestyle change. The thing is, I don't want to change my lifestyle- I just want to be thinner while doing exactly what I've been doing. Apparently, that plan isn't going to work. I will have to put forth far greater effort, and eat much less of the food I love, to see pounds drop away.
I am a hard worker. I am used to putting forth great effort...but with things that make me feel successful or tasks that seem important- like helping others. Why does my own health and fitness not seem important to me? Or is it that the "comforting" foods help me accomplish all the other work I take on? Is there some part of me that feels like being thin would be tempting fate too much and would result in some tragedy?
The day I finished our Slice of Life Story Challenge for March, I felt so proud of that accomplishment. A very good friend of mine, who has lost over 100 pounds and changed her life, questioned me when I asked how she stayed so dedicated. "You just blogged for 31 days. It's what you prioritize." That kind of stayed with me, annoyingly so. Why didn't I prioritize losing weight? If I put forth the same dedication that I do to other aspects of my life, would I be successful?
So here I am. Day 1 down. So many days more to go. A lot of weight to lose and a lot of work to do. When I took graduate credits towards my Masters +75, I knew it would take a long time and I took it class by class. Why am I so impatient with weight- want it all gone tomorrow! Why don't I embrace the journey as I do in nearly everything else I do?
I hate being hungry and I hate being negative, and tonight, I'm feeling both.