#SOL18 Friendship and Heartache in Preschool

"Mommy, I don't like school anymore," my five year old tells me this afternoon. She only has 4 days left until preschool graduation.

 "How come?" I question.

 "Because I lost my best friend. I don't have any friends now." 

 After some more questions, it turns out that another classmate has created "a crew" and my daughter is not part of it. Her (former) best friend is on the crew now and she's been left behind. There is one other girl not on the crew and that is the only friend Megan thinks she has now. 

 Megan decides to make art projects to give to all the classmates, even the ones that are excluding her. The girl who is also not on the crew deserves an extra special, sparkly art project for sticking by her, Megan has decided. 

 I want to jump in and fix this for Megan, but I can't. I want to make those other children be more inclusive, more empathetic, kinder...but I can't. I want to shield her from meanness and hurt feelings but I can't. 

 I tell her a good friend is one who sticks by your side. I tell her that she will make lots of new friends at camp and in preschool. I don't know how to explain why some girls leave other girls out. I don't know how to make her see that the best friends are the ones who always make room for others. 

 When our children are babies, we try so hard to protect them from every speck of dirt they might try to eat, from every sharp corner of a coffee table, from every breakable object that could topple over onto them. When our children get older, we can't protect them from hurts of the heart, from friends who leave you to join a crew that you've been left out of. 

 As Megan navigates the choppy waters of friendship, she will have to sail her own course and find her own way. She will have to find the crew that will be loyal and kind. I'm left to stand on the shore, helpless, but cheering her on nevertheless, always. 

Comments

  1. Kristi LonheimJune 5, 2018 at 6:27 AM

    I love the imagery. I'm sure there will be shipwrecks along the way. May she always find a way to stay afloat.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousJune 5, 2018 at 7:53 AM

    The hardest part of being a parent is standing by and watching! And yes, keep on cheering her on!

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousJune 5, 2018 at 7:57 AM

    There is not an easy way to watch your child struggle. Whether it is preschool or college, it feels the same. Listening to her struggle is the most important part. I also share my stories (when appropriate). This is how we model compassion and empathy. But giving them space to say things out loud that are hard is the biggest gift you can give her. You're teaching her she is not alone, that she always has a safe place to vent. We all need that, no matter our age.

    ReplyDelete
  4. BethMooreSchoolJune 5, 2018 at 1:12 PM

    Oh Kathleen, I'm sorry. It's so hard to watch them go through these growing pains. It's awful, isn't it?! This too shall pass... and then something else will take it's place. Your daughter is lucky to have such a thoughtful mom.

    ReplyDelete
  5. StaceyJune 5, 2018 at 2:41 PM

    It is so, so hard to stand on the sidelines to let our kids navigate life. It's heartbreaking when they say they don't want to go back to school or tell us someone is being mean to them. BUT, there's a silver lining to this. She's coming to you. This is huge. Rather than keeping her feelings to herself, Megan is seeking you out as a source of comfort and strength. She knows she has you and that is, well, everything.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

#SOL16 Lesson From Piper

Image
Have you seen the Disney Pixar Short film Piper ?  If not, go watch...I'll wait. :) I watched this movie today with a few of my students who stay after school for "Club Success" (formerly called "tutoring" but this feels way more positive for the kids who are asked to stay). After we watched Piper , we wrote about the movie and then shared our writing. Each of the three students who wrote touched upon the idea that Piper had to learn how to get the food for herself. Some students mentioned the pride she felt after she learned how to survive the big waves and find food.  We talked about the mistakes she made and how they helped her to learn.  I think this video is a MUST WATCH for a few reasons.  1- It really makes you think about the process of learning and how uncomfortable it can feel when you move to trying something new for the first time.  2-Piper learned by her failed attempts and eventually by finding a mentor and trying his strategy. 3-When ...
Read more

A Working Mom's "I am" Poem #sol15 Day 16

Image
Disclaimer: I have nothing but respect for moms who "stay at home." It is the hardest job.  In my brief stints being a stay at home mom while on maternity leave and on summer vacations, I know that the days are exhausting and challenging.  This poem attempts to capture how I feel about life at the moment, being a third grade teacher and a mom to 2 kids under the age of 5. I am a Working Mom I am exhausted and never done.  I wonder how to find the elusive "work-life" balance  I hear my alarm go off at 3am and trudge downstairs to do the work I couldn't do when the kids were awake I see my work bag,bulging, begging me to finally pay it attention. I want 5 minutes to myself. I am exhausted and never done. I pretend I can do it all I feel the need to eat lots of chocolate I touch my children's soft little cheeks and hug them. I worry I am missing important moments with them. I cry when I feel like I am drowning from it all. I am exhausted and n...
Read more

#SOL19 You Can Go Your Own Way

Image
If you were looking at an Identity Web for me right now (Sara K. Ahmed's Being the Change has been on my mind with our recent #twtblog series and a book study/ workshop I facilitated with the Long Island Writing Project), you would see the added role of "Daisy Co-Leader" as another hat (or Girl Scout tunic?) I am wearing. My daughter, Megan, is a kindergarten student and I have signed on to be her Girl Scout troop co-leader. My fabulous friend and colleague (and down the street neighbor!) is the leader of the troop and she is everything you've ever dreamed of in a Daisy troop leader- enthusiastic, creative, organized, kind, thoughtful, and ambitious. Our troop has done A LOT in our short six months together.  Last night was another Daisy event. We met up with other Girl Scouts from our town and the town right next to us for a "Paint Night." Each girl got a canvas and paints and was instructed, step by step, on how to make a snowman in a winter sc...
Read more