#SOL18 By Heart, My Heart

"There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm."
-Willa Cather 

       When my son Alex was born, the cord was wrapped around his neck. Alarms sounded and doctors rushed into the room. They whisked him to another corner of the room as I asked, in confusion, "Why isn't he crying?" The nurse who assisted me during the delivery reassured me he was fine, just "stunned." 
Then, they let me hold him. 

       The moment Alex was placed in my arms, and I looked into his little perfect face, it was as if I had known him all my life. This baby I had been praying for, dreaming about and worrying about for months and months was here and somehow it was like I've always known him. It was a moment like no other. 

      Because of his rough start, he had to spend a few days in the NICU, being monitored. He was a very hearty baby among many babies who were premature. The night he was born, they wheeled me into the nursery of the NICU. When I cooed, "Hello Alex", he turned to look right at me! The nurse commented, "He knows your voice." And so he did. I had read to him, sung to him, and talked to him for months. We knew each other by heart. 

      Seven years later, in another hospital, I hold Alex's hand. He tells me he feels safe with me there. We hold hands until he is wheeled off to surgery, my heart traveling farther and farther away from me as he goes out of sight. I can do nothing but wait, and pray, as the clock ticks away the longest hours of my life. 


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