#SOL18 Day 5 I Don't Care


"I don't care," he looks at me, defiantly, his face like stone.

 I want him to shower, he doesn't want to stop playing. He's played all day and hasn't showered in....at least a few days. He is due for sure but won't budge. 

 Eventually...a compromise is reached: He will shower and then get more time to play on the computer. 

 But now I'm thinking about the "I don't cares"- the times I act like something can't hurt me when really it does. The times I tell myself "It doesn't matter", "I didn't want it anyway" or "It doesn't hurt me anymore." 

 Lies. 

 Why is it so hard to admit that some things are painful, even if we wish they weren't? Some experiences, some words, some losses just hurt a lot. I'm thinking I need to be more honest with myself sometimes and stop brushing off painful moments with the "I don't cares."

 Not caring may seem like a shield for pain, but it's really just a lie of the heart. 

 I do care. 

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